Search:10 Questions to Ask... (Continued)
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Question #:1 What are you searching for?
Research on Korean adoptees who search for their biological parents indicate that all adoptees, as we become older, gradually begin to have an interest in different kinds of searches. Motivated by our interest in learning more about our roots, our first search is typically for our birth culture. Lastly after possibly visiting our birth country, we begin to consider the possibility of searching for and uniting with birth parents. Often a search is about the act searching - and not the actual reunion. So it is important to distinguish whether your search is for your birth culture or your birth family.

I did not search for my birth family, they sought me. I was adopted when I was three years old from Korea and when I was 13 my adoptive parents received a letter from my paternal grandmother asking for pictures of me. My family was divided on whether they should show me the letter or wait until I was older. After speaking with an adult adoptee, who recommended they wait until I was older, my parents showed me the letter when I was 20.

It was October break from college and I sat at the dinner table. Suddenly the atmosphere got very serious and my Dad said, "Hollee, there is something I need to talk to you about." My mind raced as I tried to think of anything wrong I had done. I was not prepared for what they actually had to tell me. My mother was afraid I would be angry because they waited to show me the letter. I was simply overwhelmed. I peered at the the grainy photo of my paternal grandfather and grandmother and it was like looking at a National Geographic photo. They were strangers. And yet they were connected to me by blood.

I believe I would never had embarked on a search for my birth family had they not searched for me first. I was content with the life I had and the only family I knew. Until I received that letter I never thought about Korea and at 20 I was not ready to meet my birth family. When I received this letter, I suddenly felt like I had to go to Korea, but I knew nothing of its culture or language. It would take four more years exploring my American, Korean and adoptive culture before I would finally be ready to travel to Korea and meet them.